Thursday, October 24, 2013

I know, I lied...

I said I was back to blogging, but I failed!

My excuse is I have no time.

But what are excuses?

Lame that's what.


I just entered my second semester and I don't even know how I got here. I can't believe that I made it. If you know me at all you know that school was my least favorite thing in the entire universe. I was never book savvy, I was never great at studying, never passed my tests. If you'd asked me before this if I would ever go back to school to further my education I'd tell ya your bat shit crazzzzyy!

But when I lost my job and no one was hiring me it made perfect sense to go back. Now here I am, second semester and kicking ass. Last year when I was 23 I though life was throwing me the biggest life changes all at once. And he did! What I went through was hell. I had issues in my life in every department, my relationship with R, my personal friends, my work, I had nothing. Nothing but my mom and sister and I thank God everyday for them, but it was so hard to go through so many ups and downs in such a short period of time. But guess what? Here I am.

24 years old looks great on me.

*******

Changing tunes, lets talk next week- Halloween!

I never do anything crazy fun for halloween, I'm not too sure why- nothing fun in my neck of the woods I guess. But if I had this really cool halloween party to go to, and I wanted to be creative and stand out, I would totally paint my face like so > > >




But if I had another party to go to the next day and I wanted to look scary and bad-ass, I think I would paint my face like this one > > >


Then after those thwo parties, if I got invited to just one more, and I wanted to be a classy, pretty, scary monster of some kind, I think I would fur-sure paint my face like this one. Yes, I like this one. > > >


Which one do you like best? Which one should I go as?

Tell me your thoughts below!!!

xox


Sunday, September 29, 2013

SO MUCH TO SHARE!

Where oh where do I start?

Last time I was on this blog, I lost my job. Lost all my friends. Lost my apartment, and was attempting to repair my relationship. I was a mess. Probably one of the hardest phases in my life I've had to go through yet. With that all being said, I found my silver lining.

I packed up and moved on.


I found a job. A great, great job. A job where I can grow, and plant seeds and make it a life long career. Something that my last job didn't offer.

I turned 24!


I enrolled in school. I love, love it. I work full time and go to school full time at nights.

Me and R celebrated 6 years together!



I enrolled in school full time and the very next week I had a job interview with the company I work for now. It just so happens that there in the same field and God really worked in my favor that week. SO blessed!

I feel so great. I feel that all the weight that I was carrying on my shoulders has been lifted and taken care of. What is suppose to be...is being done. My job was made for me. This position was for me. God hand picked it.

And I'm back. Back on track.

I'm in a great place and nothing can go down from here, only UP!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Hi! I'm back!

Well, that was the longest vacation ever in blogger history!

But, alas, I'm back.

And so, so happy.

I can't wait to share :)




*I'm not pregnant, and not engaged, just happy to be where I am. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Life Lately,










__________________________________________________________




Spending lots of quailty time with my momma and sisters.
p.S. Shylee had juice in her 4th of July Margarita glass.

I'm Drained.

Emotionally, I have no more fight in me.

As a Leo, a christian and woman in general, those are hard words to say. I'm a natural fighter. I have passion beyond my blood, it's in my soul. I will fight for myself and for what I love until my heart falls out of my chest.

Today, I am struggling with a friendship-breakup. I kinda told the story on here about it, but I can't help but still struggle everyday. It's harder than you can imagine. And in another world I would fight to save that friendship, but today, I'm drained. I can not fight for something, someone, or a group of friends because I need to fill a void in my life. I need to let them go, because they do not deserve me, they don't serve me, or make me happier in my life.

If I can repeat that to myself when I'm having a cry fest, I'd be ok. Because it's Saturday nights where I want to go have a drink with the girls, it's Tuesdays where we could go get a mani together, it's Monday night when Mistresses is on and I want to text WTF in a group text, it's the small moments I want to share, it's the guys night out and I need a girls night out, it's the Sundays where my parents take the boat out and I want to go tan. And it's the moments where I could use some girl advise, the moments I question my decision and I know no one else's opinion would sway me like theirs. It's the calls where my boyfriend can't replace and it's the question I ask myself over and over, why me. Why us.

It's like that time when you caught your high school boyfriend cheating on you. Your devastated, and humiliated and hurt beyond repair. It's the end of the world, duh. And how will you ever live past this.

But you find that as you grow in your own way, and you see the world a bit differently each day, you find that it isn't the end of the world. (duh) And you find that each day you slowly heal a little more. And you stand your own, and decide that if it's a broken heart, then you will fix it. And everything will work out fine.

A drive to the beach clears my mind always. 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I Believe In The Sun Even When It's Not Shining,

I love unmade beds.

I embrace messy hair.

I cry. All of the time. Don't raise your voice, or say mean things. I cry.

But put me in a situation where I need to stay strong, for my sisters, I will be a shield of armor.

I will always be their shield.

Don't unwind me, unravel, and undress me just to leave me.

I love hands. His hands.

I love love. Everything small and big about it, I love it. I love to be in love.

Compliment me, but don't overdo it.

Take me to the beach. We can sit and day dream and lay in the sand. Lay in the heaven's dirt.

I'm a good girl. With a good heart.

I fall in love with honest moments.

I'm a wishful thinker.

And I believe in God even when He is silent.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

That One Time I Had Best Friends,

Well turns out they weren't the best of friends. 

Let's run this down..

In 8th grade I switched schools. Moved across town and had to start all over. It was single handedly the worst event in my life. I was cool at my old school. I had a boyfriend, my group of friends, we wore skirts on Fridays, I had my teachers and I had my life. I was ready for high school. Then, we move. I had to enter this new school not knowing a single soul. In the middle of the school year! Everyone had their clique already. I ate my lunch in the bathroom. At break I would go in the library and read magazines. 

Then, what seemed like months later, I was asked to be apart of a circle of friends. And we clicked. We built friendships, made memories, laughed more then cried and fell in friendship-love! 



We were the closest group of friends you had ever seen. Swear. I can't remember one fight, one drama fused day, nothing. Then senior year of high school we all went to this party. I went to the bathroom with another girlfriend and we were pretty drunk. The following Monday I supposedly told a secret I wasn't suppose to tell. I didn't tell. And I swore up and down that I didn't tell. The girl was clearly intoxicated. 

I cried to my friends and said please believe me, I wouldn't tell, and I didn't tell. Please, listen to me.

The girl accusing me of saying this got the rest of the group to believe her instead of me. After many three-way calls, MySpace chats and Instant messenger conversations later-I said whatever. 

I didn't need to bend over backwards to make these people believe me. I guess that's the type of person I am. I said I didn't do it, and if you don't believe me, well then so be it. Bye. 

__________

Fast forward 5 years to today and most of us have split separate ways to our own little worlds. I have kept in touch with two of them. My two best friends ever. Years and years of friendship. They knew everything about me. I knew everything about them. I call their family my family. And when me and R broke up our bond grew even more. They seriously held me up when I was falling over. We cried it out, laughed it off, drove places just to drive, drank things just to forget, went places just to get away. They took care of me. And they nursed me back to life. I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't have them through all of that. It was a crazy time in my life. The worst, but at the same time such a learning experience.



After me and R got back together they didn't approve. Not that they didn't like R, but because they "wanted me to be by myself for a while to find myself first." 

Well fortunately, friends are not in charge of other friends lifes. I chose to be with R again because I know what he is to me. And I know what I know in my heart. And I know how I feel about our situation. Maybe it won't work out, but to me, I need to experience that myself. Not listen to someone tell me thats what they think and I should just listen to them because their my friend. So one thing led to another and with the help of just one influence, they are back to hating me. Because I chose to be with my ex boyfriend of 6 years. Who they know I deeply and desperately love. They know he loves me, they know it's real. Yet with the help of just one person who doesn't agree, they all mend together and form a little hate group. I lost my job because of this, I'm about to loose my apartment, and they are probably going to take my roommate, my only friend left soon.

At first I didn't care. Take everything from me. Don't be my friend. I don't need them, is what I thought. I don't even care. 

Then I thought it was me. Why is this happening to me. What is it about me that makes people think they can do whatever they want. And take away the things that I value, and to talk down upon me, and to hurt and upset me and just act so immature when I am not any of those things. What is it that I did in life to deserve the good then the super ugly, what is it with other people who think they can act this way.

I am the most loyal person you will ever meet I can bet my life on it. I'm trustworthy, I'm caring and nurturing. I am funny and spontaneous. I  like to have a good time yet I will go out and get us ice cream and tissues and be there for you when you need a good cry and can't bare to be alone. 

I'm a good person. I am. And I have to remind myself of that when I feel like I have no one. 

I feel light though. I feel like I have no bad energy, no negative people or thoughts hanging on my shoulders. I just feel free now. And I'm sure new friends are awaiting me somewhere. Waiting to make new memories, grown up memories. At such a dark place, I somehow found the light again. And I am thankful for my family and for R. He may not have it all together, but he sure knows how to make me feel completely okay. He has been my friend lately. Poor guy, I'm probably driving him nuts, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I didn't choose him over my friends in this situation. I chose me over the people who thought they can control my life. 





*Photos on this post are not mine, all found on Pinterest*